I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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