You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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