It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
