Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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