just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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