It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Two words: blizzard sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
