woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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