Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
