There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
