she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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