if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
