Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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