I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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