i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
