I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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