So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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