Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
