why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
