omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
