I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
