you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
