Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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