So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
