Sry I called you an 8
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
