Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
