is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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