Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
