He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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