your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
