So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
