I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
