I think I died a long time ago.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
