Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize