I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
