Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
