thus making me awesome and them whores
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
