Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
