wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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