You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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