I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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