When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
