Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
