Small penises have feelings too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dear god my vagina.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
