i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
