also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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