I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
