My sheets look like a crime scene.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
