You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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