capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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