I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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