if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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