Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
