All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
