what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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