He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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