ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
