I like my sex mixed with concussions.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
