I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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