I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
