I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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