She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
