my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
