It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So much Jack, so little girl.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
