Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
